As everyone knows, you can't have a proper party without a cake. Not counting the kind of party that just needs a two-by-four, some rubber gloves, and a jar of vaseline, but it's been ages since... uh... yeah.
It's... it's... BEAUTIFUL.
Of course, cake alone isn't enough to soothe one's frustrations, and as in chemistry, I find alcohol to be a solution. On a related note, I am typing this with hiccups and hooves. You have no idea how hard that is.
And so I present this cake recipe so that you, the plebiscite, might eke some sliver of enjoyment out of your drab lives. I'd say it was a family special, but to me a family special is when mom picks up cab fare after nickel beer nights.
1 (18.25 oz) package white/vanilla cake mix
1 (3.4 oz) package instant vanilla pudding mix
4 eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup water
1/4 cup lime juice
1/4 cup tequila
2 tbsp orange-flavored liqueur
For the glaze:
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tbsp vanilla
2 tbsp orange-flavored liqueur
2 tbsp lime juice
maraschino cherries
Combine cake mix, pudding mix, eggs, oil, water, lime juice, 1/4 cup tequila and 2 tbsp triple sec (or whatever), beat like a red-headed step-elf for 2 minutes. Use top-shelf tequila if you can stea... uh... borrow it. Go rail if you absolutely must use your own. Extra tequila may be added to taste. Worm optional.
Pour batter into greased/floured 10" bundt pan (I've had the best luck with baking spray and my own, rather potent, distilled reindeer musk).
Shove into 350 degree oven for 45-60 minutes, depending on your oven. Cool in pan 10 minutes; remove to rack and pour glaze on cake while still warm. Decorate with cherries, in honor of my fog-piercing superhero nose. Or do like I do, and just eat them out of the jar while weeping softly.
I wonder if they'd let me in the X-Men. Not for the nose thing, that's just stupid. I can fly though, and I'm a pretty good drinker. I'm bored of waiting on the fat man's eighth heart attack for a career change.